"True Facts" The Bad Side of Wine

I just spent 4 days recovering from a computer hard disk crash. As my young apprentice was too quick to point out, everyone who doesn't use a Mac has been through this. It was a slow excruciating process of watching my data become unreadable and disappear, and a slow and arduous process of trying to recover everything possible. My computer is back!  I am only a week further behind! 

The whole experience got me to thinking about what can go wrong in our world of wine.

credit: drvino

The Glass is Mostly Empty <sniff>

The worst thing that could go wrong, in my opinion, would be to run out of wine. Company is a the door, but you have nothing to pour, or you’ve only a trickle to tickle the glass midway through a meal. Heaven forbid! I’ll be posting some guidelines soon regarding creating a wine cellar so that nothing like this should ever happen. Simple solution - keep some bottles on hand at all times.

All Broken Up About the Cork

wtf?!?

Usually when something goes wrong when serving wine it is that you can’t get the wine out of the bottle! The cork breaks midway into the neck leaving you looking at a crumbly stub that the opener can no longer extract. 

Even for younger wines, the cork end closest to the wine may be on the soft side, ready to break away. Not only that, but the cork could snap simply because it is a product of nature – tree bark! - and there might just be that little imperfection causing it to split within the bottle neck. If the bottle is really old (10-30+ years) the cork may have become thoroughly saturated and soft. You are in Danger territory here. Be prepared.

With proper and diligent opening technique most of the cases of broken cork can be prevented. Often it is a case of too much muscle, either on your part or because your wine opener itself is on steroids. A lot of openers have overly big and hulky “worms”, or screws that can destroy a wine cork. Using an opener that has a thinner worm is important to pierce  and drill through the cork without chopping it up.  

Good

Brutal

                                  vs.

Just so, the "Ah So"

If you do break the cork, heave a sigh but don’t panic, you have a couple of options. The first is a type of opener called an “Ah So”. You can search for video online that shows how to use one of these. Basically, you gently rock the tines down each side of the cork and twist and lift to remove it. This has never actually worked for me to remove that bottom ¾ inch of wine-saturated cork.  I have better luck using my normal "waiter's friend" cork screw to carefully drill through the remaining cork section and apply a very slow, even and steady pull.

If none of this works, just push the cork all the way into the bottle. If it stays together, you can pour around it. If it crumbles apart as it is likely to do, pour the wine through a strainer, cheese cloth or towel. If you strain it into a bowl or decanter, you will be able to funnel it back into the rinsed bottle and serve your guests seemingly as if nothing ever happened.  

Interestingly, in Portugal, where Port bottles can age for decades and the crusted lids become impossible to remove, they use a device called a port tongs. How do they work? Basically, the port tongs are heated in a very hot fire and then clamped around the neck of the port bottle. The hot bottle neck is then chilled quickly. The dramatic change in temperature of the glass causes it to fracture cleanly, leaving the upper neck with the cork still intact and the bottle cleanly opened. That’s right, they basically use heat to snap the neck of the bottle off!

 

Oh No! I Left the Wine in a Hot Car!

If there is a screwcap top you won’t have any obvious signs other than the bottle being warm to the touch. If there is a cork in the bottle and it appears to be pushed out a little (or a lot), the wine has been cooked/ baked/ roasted for sure. Well-done but still drinkable? That depends, but the wine will certainly never be the same and is no longer fit for aging. Cool it down and drink it within a few days. Lower your expectations and you might be pleasantly surprised.

Don’t lick the winesicle. 

If you left wine in the trunk on a frosty day, that’s different. Assuming the bottle is still intact, frozen wine has never shown any ill effects, in my experience. Let it thaw to proper serving temperature and enjoy. However, my experience ALSO includes too many bottles forgotten in the freezer section of my fridge. I’ll put one or two in there for a quick chill, but then leave the house or get busy drinking something else. When I finally remember too late, there is a big icy mess to thaw and clean up. Uh-oh.

A Very Dry Wine

Waiter, There is a Flaw in My Wine - Cork taint and wine flaws.

Despite advancements in science; despite the efforts of cork producers and suppliers, laboratories and quality checkers, the wine world continues to be vexed by the occasional bottle gone bad. TCA or “cork taint” is just one cause for a wine that smells and tastes “off”. Ken Wright, of Ken Wright Cellars, insists that, in fact, TCA’s most insidious effect is to “scalp” the aroma and flavor of a wine. The damp newsprint smell of TCA may not even be obvious, but the affected wine simply isn’t showing at all the way the winemaker intended.

Wine flaws is a topic all to itself, and the flaws can be myriad, with the hint of barnyard smell on the one end of the spectrum and full-on vinegar at the other extreme. In between are aromas of onion, cabbage, burnt match, vinyl, nail polish remover or chrysanthemum - all very un-grapelike. Send it back with the Sommelier or return the bottle to where you bought it. Hope you have a backup!     

Wound Too Tight... Shocking.

Bottle shock has a real effect on freshly bottled wine, but also on wine just delivered to you by FedEx/UPS, or as cargo unceremoniously lugged across town from your favorite wine shop. The wine may seem disjointed, angular, unbalanced and not what you expected. Wineries will usually let newly bottled cases rest for months before market. You too should let your just-delivered wine rest, for a couple of days if you can wait!   


Sometimes, especially for young wines, but also for maturing wines at certain stages in the arc of age and development, there doesn’t seem to be much going on in the glass. The wine’s bouquet is evident but elusive; faintly promising, but as if evading your nose. The wine is termed “tight” if youthful, or in a “dumb” phase if mature, and this is a very natural, and even predictable occurance. Decant!  This is exactly what a decanter is for, as are those wine aerator devices. Pouring into a decanter or through an aerator will incorporate some air (oxygen in particular) into the wine releasing aromas and opening the wine up.